Still Holding The Egg

Artful Toddler

As far back as I can remember, this crazy tirade must've started when I swallowed a penny at Artful Toddler. I thought it took grapes looking back and I'm pleased with myself that I had a willingness to do so. It was nap time and I was able to get my paws on a piece of copper before I went lights out. A care practitioner noticed I had it in my grip but I shoved it in my mouth before they could confiscate it. Additionally, in my adulthood I came back to Artful Toddler and hurled a roll of pennies at their welcome mat. This signified that I was still the boy wonder that I always dreamed I would be.

As far back as I can remember, this crazy tirade must've started when I swallowed a penny at Artful Toddler. I thought it took grapes looking back and I'm pleased with myself that I had a willingness to do so. It was nap time and I was able to get my paws on a piece of copper before I went lights out. A care practitioner noticed I had it in my grip but I shoved it in my mouth before they could confiscate it. Additionally, in my adulthood I came back to Artful Toddler and hurled a roll of pennies at their welcome mat. This signified that I was still the boy wonder that I always dreamed I would be. There are various Artful Toddler references all throughout my musical catalogue, including an “Artful Toddler Theme Song” off “The Others” album.

Daddy, You Hurted Me!

On one particular occasion, my mom and dad were arguing in the front foyer and being the little hero that I thought I was I stood up and tried to stand between them to prevent tensions from escalating. I didn't like seeing my family going at it and …

On one particular occasion, my mom and dad were arguing in the front foyer and being the little hero that I thought I was, I stood up and tried to stand between them to prevent tensions from escalating. I didn't like seeing my family going at it and felt like it was my moral obligation to keep the peace. My dad was a little drunk that day but that was probably no excuse for him to lay me to the floor with a vicious right hook. I remember my mom telling me, "Paul, please don't turn out like your father" and that was probably the beginning of the point where my dad and I quickly drifted apart.

How Can I Forget My Mickey Mouse Phone?

On the lighter side of things, my daddy wasn't always a bad guy. In fact, once he came back from a golf tournament that he won and instead of accepting some kind of selfish prize he decided to bring back a Mickey Mouse phone for his darling little r…

On the lighter side of things, my daddy wasn't always a bad guy. In fact, once he came back from a golf tournament that he won and instead of accepting some kind of selfish prize he decided to bring back a Mickey Mouse phone for his darling little rapscallion.

Laser Viper

My mom liked to spoil me rotten. I would have to say I was pretty much like Gavin from The Simpsons when it came to everything she used to buy for me and I felt like a kid in a candy store most of the time. There was of course the uneventful occasio…

My mom liked to spoil me rotten. I would have to say I was pretty much like Gavin from The Simpsons when it came to everything she used to buy for me and I felt like a kid in a candy store most of the time. There was of course the uneventful occasion where she didn't wind up buying me a small toy I wanted once, and then when she was ready to buy it... well... Toys R Us was all sold out! Needless to say she went to great lengths to try to find Laser Viper but to no avail and it was one of the saddest moments of my childhood.

Chief Scout’s Award

It's fair to mention that I was a beaver, cub and scout growing up. I would have to say that I excelled at my craft and I was quite good at scouting all around. Sadly, I was denied my Chief Scout’s Award by the 4th Erindale Scouting racket. I feel l…

It's fair to mention that I was a beaver, cub and scout growing up. I would have to say that I excelled at my craft and I was quite good at scouting all around. Sadly, I was denied my Chief Scout’s Award by the 4th Erindale Scouting racket. I feel like this created a wedge between Baden-Powell and myself which I never quite remedied. I rapped about Scouts on an album called “Scout’s Honor” which you can find when you scroll below.

Finish The Job!

Once I was inside of a car with Mikey, Luke and Vince. The driver was urged to run over a squirrel who was chasing his lady friend across a street. He floored it and this startled the squirrel who was subsequently run over... well... his lower half …

Once I was inside of a car with Mikey, Luke and Vince. The driver was urged to run over a squirrel who was chasing his lady friend across a street. He floored it and this startled the squirrel who was subsequently run over... well... his lower half was. He was still trying to run with his upper half and this was possibly the greatest tragedy of my adolescence. It began to snow moments after this incident.

Alfred, Is That You?

I had a neighbor once who liked to hand out Popsicle sticks to the neighborhood kids like myself. His name was Alfred and aside from his smoking habit I thought he was pretty much the best old guy I knew. Unfortunately, smoking caught up with him th…

I had a neighbor once who liked to hand out Popsicle sticks to the neighborhood kids like myself. His name was Alfred and aside from his smoking habit I thought he was pretty much the best old guy I knew. Unfortunately, smoking caught up with him though and he passed away. Not too long afterwards, I was hanging out by the train tracks, when a jogger ran by and gave me a friendly salutation. I felt like I recognized him almost as if this was Alfred. As I was dwelling on what a coincidence this was, I looked down at the shadows the tree was casting with it's branches and it was as if by some miracle the silhouette resembled an angel. You can hear a song about Alfred if you scroll down a ways on my “Precious Armageddon” album called “Mister Alfred”.

Light The Candles

I used to serve at St. Peter's Anglican Church under the apprenticeship of Jack Lowe. Among other things, Jack would often straighten my gown and offer me leftover sacrament after the parishioners had their fix. There was always something a little off about my noble benefactor but he was certainly somebody worth carrying a cross for. I enjoyed serving but I could've sworn he pinched my bottom once. Tee, hee, hee.

I used to serve at St. Peter's Anglican Church under the apprenticeship of Jack Lowe. Among other things, Jack would often straighten my gown and offer me leftover sacrament after the parishioners had their fix. There was always something a little off about my noble benefactor but he was certainly somebody worth carrying a cross for. I enjoyed serving but I could've sworn he pinched my bottom once. Tee, hee, hee.

Aunt Janet

Somebody who left my entire family with a sour taste in their mouth, was none other than my Aunt Janet. This was my mother's sister who for whatever unearthly reason refused any contact with us after the years of endearment leading up to my adolesce…

Somebody who left my entire family with a sour taste in their mouth, was none other than my Aunt Janet. This was my mother's sister who for whatever unearthly reason refused any contact with us after the years of endearment leading up to my adolescence. She left us all feeling empty and cold, but my mother took it even worse than the rest of us and how she tried to locate and reestablish communications with her but to no avail. I'm using the girl in the Ring as a symbolism of just how outrageous and crazy some things in this world can be. Turning loose on your nephew is just another one of those things.

Poetris

I was infatuated with a lady named Adrienne Bennett once who would serenade me with her sensual and soothing poetry. I wrote back to her both musically and through e-mail and spoke to her on the phone as well to show my affection. I used to call her…

I was infatuated with a lady named Adrienne Bennett once who would serenade me with her sensual and soothing poetry. I wrote back to her both musically and through e-mail and spoke to her on the phone as well to show my affection. I used to call her Spring Garden and we were supposed to meet at the Garden Hilton but before that could happen she Black Garden'd me when I was at my most vulnerable. Last I heard she was running for Congress, and although this makes me incredibly sad I suppose I wish her the best on her many exploits in politics. Even if ultimately, President Bennett leaves a sour taste in my mouth like rotten apricots. The song that I think responded the best to “Black Garden” is “A Kiss Too Soon Missed” on the “Clarence Love” album which you can find if you scroll down a ways. I’ve compiled a compilation of her work on an album I’m calling “Natural Supplements” that you can find if you scroll down passed my music and closer to the bottom of this page. “Natural Supplements” was originally going to be the name of the collaboration album between her and I.

Ethel Mason

A beautiful person who can't go unmentioned throughout all of this, is Ethel Mason. She put a lot of magic into her artwork, even if not everybody knew of her work. I had a beautiful painting of two owls that she drew hanging up on my wall in my con…

A beautiful person who can't go unmentioned throughout all of this, is Ethel Mason. She put a lot of magic into her artwork, even if not everybody knew of her work. I had a beautiful painting of two owls that she drew hanging up on my wall in my condo, before I moved, which reminded me of how spectacular a woman she was. Unfortunately, it got left behind in my haste to move to my house on Mill Way Drive. The day I took her hand and told her "everything will be alright" in the hospital when she had come down with dementia, and she actually got better a few days later, made me think that I had a healing power. Nonetheless, I wouldn't be able to sleep at night if I didn't attribute some of her getting well again to the fact that she was a firm believer in Mr. Sunshine. Feel free to listen to the song I wrote for Ethel called “Ethel Mason and the Pretzel Wagon” if you scroll down a ways off “The Others” album.

The Girl With The Precious Eyes

Obviously this photograph doesn't do her justice, because nothing can compare to the look this little girl gave me when I was a lifeguard at a swimming pool one summer day. She stared at me like the boogie man was under her bed and she wouldn't go t…

Obviously, this photograph doesn't do her justice, because nothing can compare to the look this little girl gave me when I was a lifeguard at a swimming pool one summer day. She stared at me like the boogie man was under her bed and she wouldn't go to sleep until I shewed him away. I gave her a little smile, and must've promised her in one way or another that I would do something about it. I think my involvement with “precious” shows how much I cared about her.

What's Wrong With Wolfie?

I picked up a copy of the July 2006 issue of XXL magazine on my way to my lifeguard job one day. It was to commemorate the life of Proof from D12 who allegedly died earlier that year in a bar fight. I want to give them the benefit of the doubt that …

I picked up a copy of the July 2006 issue of XXL magazine on my way to my lifeguard job one day. It was to commemorate the life of Proof from D12 who allegedly died earlier that year in a bar fight. I want to give them the benefit of the doubt that all is the way it should be however when the person who apparently died is posing in the same photograph as the members of the band while they appear in a state of mourning... it makes me wonder if something shadier is going on. Feel free to listen to “What’s Wrong With Wolfie?” on my “Clarence Love” album if you scroll down a ways to see how I felt about everything.

Leap Of Faith

Whenever I feel like the weight of the world is getting too much to bear, I find myself standing in front of Niagara Falls. Essentially, I just wouldn't feel right doing myself in any other way, as Niagara Falls would allow me to show my courage in …

Whenever I feel like the weight of the world is getting too much to bear, I find myself standing in front of Niagara Falls. Essentially, I just wouldn't feel right doing myself in any other way, as Niagara Falls would allow me to show my courage in the highest regard. I also want to go out feeling like I had a lot of love and respect to gain, which I think I would be able to acquire by taking a leap of faith. Incidentally, this is also the manner in which Bastion used to get back to his home world in “The NeverEnding Story Pt. 2”. As it sits, this is still my likeliest scenario in terms of my final destination. I also compare the bottom of this wonder to Bikini Bottom.

Carah Faye

Upon hearing a girl sing in a cellphone commercial I couldn't help but look up the lyrics to Le Disqo on the internet and sure enough I encountered Carah Faye and her band. The Shiny Toy Guns seemed to have been able to relieve some of my hurt at a …

Upon hearing a girl sing in a cellphone commercial I couldn't help but look up the lyrics to Le Disqo on the internet and sure enough I encountered Carah Faye and her band. The Shiny Toy Guns seemed to have been able to relieve some of my hurt at a point when I was at my weakest, which just so happened to be around the same time that I got Black Garden'd by Poetris. Incidentally, I'm not entirely sure that the Shiny Toy Guns were trying to alleviate my pain come to think of it and between Jackie and Carrie I'm just not sure I'm ready to become Beanie's chew toy. I’ve written tribute albums for Carah Faye from “Carrot Cake” to “The Exposé Of Carah Faye” to degrading albums called “Char Now Or Char Later” and “Char Now Or Char Never” to the conclusion of everything with “Offering a Way Off this Carousel” which you can find if you scroll down a ways as well as various inquires into her that you can also discover when you find my albums. Additionally, as much as I would love to promote the Shiny Toy Guns altogether, I settled for letting my little ones catch a glimpse of Carah Faye in her full configuration with her debut album entitled “Watch Me EP” which you can find closer to the bottom of this webpage.

Sliding Doors

On one fateful afternoon, I witnessed my kitty cat, Jerry, in dire straits. He was right by the sliding doors in the kitchen and his eyes were lit up like a Jack-O-Lantern. I knew I had to rescue him, but what was a boy to do? Well... I'll tell you …

On one fateful afternoon, I witnessed my kitty cat, Jerry, in dire straits. He was right by the sliding doors in the kitchen and his eyes were lit up like a Jack-O-Lantern. I knew I had to rescue him, but what was a boy to do? Well... I'll tell you what I did... I scooped him up and I ran straight out the door because I thought that my little brother was being poisoned! I made it all the way to the bus terminal with my cat in my arms, when what would you know? A mean old police officer slammed me to the concrete and choked me within an inch of my life with my cat in my arms! I’ve written a few songs about Jerry over the years, and one in particular you might like is off my “The Others” album called “Someone Help, Meow.”

My Buddy

Once when I was hospitalized at Credit Valley Hospital I met a charming toad named Maheen. This lovely creature had a warm and kind personality and really made me feel positive and upbeat. I should mention he was born blind but doesn't let his affli…

Once when I was hospitalized at Credit Valley Hospital I met a charming toad named Maheen. This lovely creature had a warm and kind personality and really made me feel positive and upbeat. I should mention he was born blind but doesn't let his affliction stop him from being a lively and rambunctious person. Maheen used social media to create a forum for everybody to read about his daily life and would rant about everything that was going on including his love affair with country music. Maheen would charm people with his Fun House that is featured as a club on Facebook for everybody to take part in his ordeal and it was my pleasure to read about him everyday once this took shape. Feel free to check out Maheen in all his grandeur on “The Others” where you can find “My Buddy” waiting patiently for some sort of absolution.

I Shouldn’t Monkey Around

I’ve always been fascinated by the giant ape known as King Kong. Knowing that somebody unique could be plucked from their homeland and forced to entertain the masses on the other side of the world made me cringe. It’s worth mentioning that Caretaker is a very important member of my spiritual assembly, and has been known to perform various tasks for me as my Chief Editor throughout my musical enterprise. If you end up listening to the song below, you may even notice that I claim that I’m King Kong… and Eminem is Godzilla. Do I smell a rivalry?

I’ve always been fascinated by the giant ape known as King Kong. Knowing that somebody unique could be plucked from their homeland and forced to entertain the masses on the other side of the world made me cringe. It’s worth mentioning that Caretaker is a very important member of my spiritual assembly, and has been known to perform various tasks for me as my Chief Editor throughout my musical enterprise. If you end up listening to “Acting Like King Kong Ain’t Got Shit On You” when you check out my “The Others” album further below, you may even notice that I claim that I’m King Kong… and Eminem is Godzilla. Do I smell a rivalry?

Briar Patch

Just in case somebody wants to do harm to me, I have a “Briar Patch” tattooed to my belly… which of course implies that there’s something much worse they can do to me than whatever they were potentially going to do in the first place. In this case, it’s crucifying me. I’ll beg and plead that they don’t nail me to the cross and yet… if you know anything about the tale of Br’er Rabbit and Br’er Fox then you know that when the little bunny was eventually hurled into the briar patch… this became his refuge, his sanctuary and his saving grace. Hopefully, you catch my drift. Shout out to my precious munchkins!

Just in case somebody wants to do harm to me, I have a “Briar Patch” tattooed to my belly… which of course implies that there’s something much worse they can do to me than whatever they were potentially going to do in the first place. In this case, it’s crucifying me. I’ll beg and plead that they don’t nail me to the cross and yet… if you know anything about the tale of Br’er Rabbit and Br’er Fox then you know that when the little bunny was eventually hurled into the briar patch… this became his refuge, his sanctuary and his saving grace. Hopefully, you catch my drift. Shout out to my precious munchkins! There’s also a song about my briar patch called “Briar Patch” on “The Others” album that you may want to check out.

I Won't Forsake The Father!

In my early twenties, I contemplated that I myself was the Son of God. It stemmed from a variety of strange occurrences which made me feel like the world was watching me. I'm pretty satisfied with how I carried the cross all this time, and if anybod…

In my early twenties, I contemplated that I myself was the Son of God. It stemmed from a variety of strange occurrences which made me feel like the world was watching me. I'm pretty satisfied with how I carried the cross all this time, and if anybody ever wants to crucify me then I have an elaborate scheme planned where I shout out 26 transgressions alphabetically, before placing my head down in certain defeat. For all extensive purposes, it’s not as though I’m dying for these sins as much as I’m imploring my Creator not to send me to a new world where these things are transparent… even if it would be an added bonus if they stopped altogether on Earth. Additionally, you may be interested in my album “If I Was On That Cross” which describes each sin in greater detail, lyrically.

I'm sorry... for animal cruelty...

I'm sorry... for bullying...

I'm sorry... for child molesting...

I'm sorry... for drinking and driving...

I'm sorry... for euthanasia...

I'm sorry... for famine...

I'm sorry... for godlessness...

I'm sorry... for homelessness...

I'm sorry... for illnesses...

I'm sorry... for joblessness...

I'm sorry... for kiddie porn...

I'm sorry... for litterbugs...

I'm sorry... for murder...

I'm sorry... for narcotics...

I'm sorry... for obsession...

I'm sorry... for pollution...

I'm sorry... for queer celebration...

I'm sorry... for rape...

I'm sorry... for starving children...

I'm sorry... for terrorism...

I'm sorry... for underprivileged children...

I'm sorry... for vandalism...

I'm sorry... for wrongfully convicted...

I'm sorry... for xenophobia...

I'm sorry... for yellow-bellied cowards...

I'm sorry... for anybody who had to ride around in the zobalay…

[Head goes down]

*See the NeverEnding Story Pt. 2 for everything you need to know about the sinister contraption known as the “zobalay”.

Quit Playing Games With My Arc

I didn’t forget about Joan of Arc! Therefor, if I succeed with my first phase of honor for the kids that should run this joint; being that I am effectively crucified in accordance with my precious method of torture and torment (ABCs) I will be requesting with the regard that I’m hoping the world will give me, that a little gathering may take place where a crowd forms around me and one chosen person (who I will obviously pardon ahead of time) hurls a Molotov cocktail (the bottle will be made of sugar glass) at my back. At that point, I will burn for a few moments until a bunch of children with Super Soakers fire water at me until the flames are out. Vive la Révolution!

I didn’t forget about Joan of Arc! Therefor, if I succeed with my first phase of honor for the kids that should run this joint; being that I am effectively crucified in accordance with my precious method of torture and torment (ABCs) I will be requesting with the regard that I’m hoping the world will give me, that a little gathering may take place where a crowd forms around me and one chosen person (who I will obviously pardon ahead of time) hurls a Molotov cocktail (the bottle will be made of sugar glass) at my back. At that point, I will burn for a few moments until a bunch of children with Super Soakers fire water at me until the flames are out. Vive la Révolution!

African Child

When I was 23, I got "AFRICA" tattooed on my arm because I believed I could help the starving children of the world by becoming a walking billboard for the impoverished regions of this great continent. I kept this mark on me for about 5 years but ev…

When I was 23, I got "AFRICA" tattooed on my arm because I believed I could help the starving children of the world by becoming a walking billboard for the impoverished regions of this great continent. I kept this mark on me for about 5 years but eventually covered it up... possibly because Ebola made me feel too guilt ridden.

Tough Son Of A Gun

I may not have always saw eye to eye with my father, however when he was diagnosed with liver failure, I came to his aid, immediately, and agreed to give up smoking and drinking along with taking up exercise to get in adequate shape to save him. Abo…

I may not have always saw eye to eye with my father, however when he was diagnosed with liver failure, I came to his aid, immediately, and agreed to give up smoking and drinking along with taking up exercise to get in adequate shape to save him. About six months into my heroism, I got the call from the doctor who would’ve otherwise performed the surgery on him, telling me that because of my mental illness history, I didn’t qualify as a donor, since it was perceived that I couldn’t appreciate the consequences of going under the knife. I remember going to the hospital to confront the doctor, and he was wearing a stethoscope. I asked to see his stethoscope and he demanded to know why, at which point I said “I want to see if you have a heart”. Later that afternoon while I was still in Toronto, my mother and I wound up by a hot dog stand and I bought a hot dog and smothered it with sauerkraut. This signified that I was paying homage to my father because sauerkraut was one of his favorite foods.

The Queen of the Sugarplums

Alison Button as she was known back on Strawberry Marsh Road, was one of the most precious creations on God’s green earth. I loved her dearly, and although I didn’t get the chance to say it as much as I would’ve liked, it perhaps went without saying. My mother was an ESL teacher who loved giving new Canadians the opportunity to develop their English speaking and writing skills, focusing primarily on children. She used to read me a variety of books when I was a child, and even used to “improvise” a tale about a little creature called “Paul Bear” which I eventually asked her if it had any relationship with a “Pallbearer” at which point she stopped telling me the tales. Maybe she was a little dark and morbid from time to time… but could’ve easily passed for the light of the world in many people’s worlds. Another point worth mentioning is that she had Hodgkin’s disease before trying to have children, and the radiation apparently affected her private parts. The doctors told her she could never have babies… so when she had me… well… I’m not trying to hint at an immaculate conception… or am I?

Allison Button as she was known back on Strawberry Marsh Road, was one of the most precious creations on God’s green earth. I loved her dearly, and although I didn’t get the chance to say it as much as I would’ve liked, it perhaps went without saying. My mother was an ESL teacher who loved giving new Canadians the opportunity to develop their English speaking and writing skills, focusing primarily on children. She used to read me a variety of books when I was a child, and even used to “improvise” a tale about a little creature called “Paul Bear” which I eventually asked her if it had any relationship with a “Pallbearer” at which point she stopped telling me the tales. Maybe she was a little dark and morbid from time to time… but could’ve easily passed for the light of the world in many people’s worlds. Another point worth mentioning is that she had Hodgkin’s disease before trying to have children, and the radiation apparently affected her private parts. The doctors told her she could never have babies… so when she had me… well… I’m not trying to hint at an immaculate conception… or am I?

Jeffrey The Giraffe

Upon walking away from my Africa project, I felt a great deal of dismay because I would've truly liked to see it play out in it's full configuration. Therefor, when I found a large stuffed animal at Wholefoods, I couldn't help but purchase it and po…

Upon walking away from my Africa project, I felt a great deal of dismay because I would've truly liked to see it play out in it's full configuration. Therefor, when I found a large stuffed animal at Wholefoods, I couldn't help but purchase it and post it in the corner of my living room as a symbol of my undying love and devotion for Africa. Jeffrey the Giraffe stood there and stared at me, almost judgmentally, whenever I was sitting in my recliner (although things may be cooler these days) and I think his presence is a permanent reminder of everything that could've happened if Supreme Allah was a better father figure.

God's Myth To Women

In my late twenties, I began refocusing my energy on what women might've wanted from me. I worked really hard to show that I could be a good little boy towards all of the ladies out there who needed to know that somebody like me would stick it out f…

In my late twenties, I began refocusing my energy on what women might've wanted from me. I worked really hard to show that I could be a good little boy towards all of the ladies out there who needed to know that somebody like me would stick it out for them including fighting a suspected rapist. I also walked A Mile In Her Shoes where I wore high heels and marched around Toronto to advocate against cruelty to women.

How About A Ripe One?

There was a mouse and his lover who frequented the windowsill outside my old house, and I quickly realized they were coming by fairly often to search for food. I made it a habit to leave a juicy little tomato for them on a regular basis and was even…

There was a mouse and his lover who frequented the windowsill outside my old house, and I quickly realized they were coming by fairly often to search for food. I made it a habit to leave a juicy little tomato for them on a regular basis and was even privileged enough to watch the mice come out (sometimes together) and chew on the tomato right there in front of me!

Save The Rainbow!

On Gay Pride week in Toronto, I went out to distribute posters of a horseshoe being greater than a rainbow to implore gay people to change their flag because I felt like it compromised the integrity of the rainbow that we get to see in the sky after…

On Gay Pride week in Toronto, I went out to distribute posters of a horseshoe being greater than a rainbow to implore gay people to change their flag because I felt like it compromised the integrity of the rainbow that we get to see in the sky after a rainstorm. I rained on the gay pride parade in a manner of speaking and also dropped a boombox and pressed play and Rainbow Connection by Kermit the Frog started playing to show additional resentment. I might've got more than I bargained for though when I got punched in the face by a gay pimp for criticizing his hoes at the subway afterwards. Even if I did turn the other cheek. There’s a song that you can hear off of “Precious Armageddon” called “Will There Ever Be A Rainbow?” which elaborates on my feelings for the rainbow.

Catty

One day, I was walking through a forest with a full head of steam, when what would you know, I encountered a little wee caterpillar dangling from silk. It was literally at mouth level and for all extensive purposes I could've swallowed the caterpill…

One day, I was walking through a forest with a full head of steam, when what would you know, I encountered a little wee caterpillar dangling from silk. It was literally at mouth level and for all extensive purposes I could've swallowed the caterpillar as I was walking by. But I didn't. I remember pondering what the significance of running into a caterpillar like that was and a part of me felt like maybe I was being challenged to swallow a living creature to show that I wasn't a big sissy. I did everything I could to make it up to the caterpillar for not honoring him as my meal including The Catty Jobs which was a list of little deeds I needed to complete to please the caterpillars and eating bird seed to show that I respected the creatures which would've likely preyed on Catty. I know this could be interpreted as somebody who may be vying for a lower place in the food chain but I'm happy that Catty turned out to be my friend and not a snack for me to dine on.

Up And At Them!

One year, I did a CN Tower climb in honor of the wildlife that needed to know that they were cared about. It was really scary, but if elephants are endangered, that's even scarier, so I would stick it out. The inside of the tower was literally cover…

One year, I did a CN Tower climb in honor of the wildlife that needed to know that they were cared about. It was really scary, but if elephants are endangered, that's even scarier, so I would stick it out. The inside of the tower was literally covered in signs rooting on the climbers, in the form of words of encouragement and when I finally made it to the top I was greeted with a warm reception.

The Egg

I'm sure a lot of you are wondering what the significance of Still Holding The Egg is. I would be very much incline at this point to explain the relevance, which began with claiming an egg at the grocery store. I was going through a period of insens…

I'm sure a lot of you are wondering what the significance of Still Holding The Egg is. I would be very much incline at this point to explain the relevance, which began with claiming an egg at the grocery store. I was going through a period of insensitivity and corruption, so I decided to write the word "precious" on the egg and then proceeded to sit in my Family Room while holding it. The tragedy was of course that I couldn't sit in front of the television for too long before I hurled the egg at the TV set in bitterness and malcontent. It's safe to say I've felt tremendously guilty and pathetic for not being a little more compassionate, like maybe making an omelette after 72 hours or something and eating it while listening to the Sun Tots opening theme. Hence, I've decided that this website would be named after my resolve, that this could've gone down another way.

Abby, Could I Have A Word?

Clearly I couldn't waltz around my dwelling in my boxers or naked, so I decided to order some pajamas online. I ordered some Elmo pajamas to be specific and I started wearing them practically all the time when I was inside my pad. I also wore the El…

Clearly I couldn't waltz around my dwelling in my boxers or naked, so I decided to order some pajamas online. I ordered some Elmo pajamas to be specific and I started wearing them practically all the time when I was inside my pad. I also wore the Elmo pajamas on occasion when I would go across the street to Shoppers Drug Mart to buy items. I found myself fantasizing about the prospect of a sexy lady moving in with me and agreeing to wear Abby pajamas, and I thought this was pretty cool because it would allow me to involve a lover into my wake. I think I would even have to say that if I ever find a girlfriend, that her willingness to get down with Abby would have to be a prerequisite before our relationship could excel.

Squirrel Trap!

I always held onto a great deal of despair and sorrow because of what happened with the squirrel that we ran over when I was younger. In order to make it up to the rodents somehow, I decided I would manufacture a Squirrel Trap which was comprised of a jar of peanut butter with a string wrapped around it, tied to a cardboard box. I left this intricate device outside of Mikey's house in an effort to promote squirrel awareness with a message attached which read "Remember, Remember, The Squirrel We Dismembered". You may be interested in hearing more about my love of squirrels on “If I Was A Squirrel” which is an album you will find if you scroll down a little bit.

Pet Cemetery!

I was known for picking up dead squirrels alongside the road for a while and burying them in my backyard. This must've stemmed from feelings of guilt about the squirrel that got run over in the car I was in when I was younger. Off the strength of th…

I was known for picking up dead squirrels alongside the road for a while and burying them in my backyard. This must've stemmed from feelings of guilt about the squirrel that got run over in the car I was in when I was younger. Off the strength of this fete, I found that I eventually expressed an interest in building a pet cemetery in the land behind the building I moved to after I lived on Ironwood Court. I went to great lengths to acquire this land including finding out about zoning rights and the price tag on the land which turned out to be a little more than I could afford. I may not have had the $50,000,000 I needed for the pet cemetery project but I think just the fact that I would've become a gravedigger for animals, showcased me in a light that allowed me to overwhelm the shadows which were otherwise trying to constantly drag me into them. Oddly enough, there’s an album which I would love to share with you if you scroll down lower, and it’s called “All I Ever Wanted Was A Pet Cemetery” which was the first words I spoke after I got tasered.

Ozzy Knows Who I Am!

Oddly enough, after I posted a song going after the alleged “Prince of Darkness” in Ozzy Osbourne on YouTube, I decided to share it with Ozzy himself, by sending him a private message on Twitter and although I didn’t get a direct response from him on that platform; within the span of a couple of months he was featured on a Post Malone song called “Take What You Want”. The song I wrote for Ozzy is available to listen to if you scroll down a bit, and it’s on my “Precious Commodity” album. It’s called “Ozzy Was No Fozzie” and it’s like a roast where I keep mentioning how Ozzy was nothing like Fozzie from the Muppets. After hearing “Take What You Want” I recorded an album called “Uncle Ozzy” that you can also find and it may be worth your time too. I don’t own the rights to “Take What You Want’ but wanted to make it available directly below for your awareness, and if having it on stillholdingtheegg.org causes a conflict for Ozzy or Post, maybe they could just ask me politely to take it down… rather than cause a legal issue over it.

Oddly enough, after I posted a song going after the alleged “Prince of Darkness” in Ozzy Osbourne on YouTube, I decided to share it with Ozzy himself, by sending him a private message on Twitter and although I didn’t get a direct response from him on that platform; within the span of a couple of months he was featured on a Post Malone song called “Take What You Want”. The song I wrote for Ozzy is available to listen to if you scroll down a bit, and it’s on my “Precious Commodity” album. It’s called “Ozzy Was No Fozzie” and it’s like a roast where I keep mentioning how Ozzy was nothing like Fozzie from the Muppets. I have a few more songs about Ozzy that you can explore when you scroll down to my music archive, but I’ll tell you that “The Others” is where you should really search for them. I don’t own the rights to “Take What You Want’ but wanted to make it available directly below for your awareness, and if having it on stillholdingtheegg.org causes a conflict for Ozzy or Post, maybe they could just ask me politely to take it down… rather than cause a legal issue over it.

If My Moth Raths Only Knew

Girls around my fair city were dying their hair red to play along with a fad that was taking place, and I couldn't help but associate it with my little Mermaid that was sitting in the corner of my office. I felt like they were flirting with me and i…

Girls around my fair city were dying their hair red to play along with a fad that was taking place, and I couldn't help but associate it with my little Mermaid that was sitting in the corner of my office. I felt like they were flirting with me and it drove me to the point where I felt Ariel would have to be compromised. On one night, during a thunderstorm, I crept inside the office to tell Ariel that I felt like her livelihood was in jeopardy. The next day, I gave her away to my cleaning lady and I acquired a Cheshire Cat from the Disney Store which I set on fire instead of what would've otherwise been Ariel. I think I did the right thing, but I can't help but feel like this was enough to make Wonderland fall into anarchy.

Still Holding The Keg

As much as you may come to learn that I’ve demonized my childhood friend, Michael Craig Hudson Norman, the truth is that he’s been like an anchor in a lot of ways for my ship, being as he would constantly challenge my motives to the point where I accepted him as the Official Opposition in contrast to many of my “wild” and “crazy” ideas regarding the “world” as we know it. Mikey, as he’s better known, is a Family Man nowadays but in his younger days he used to sport a fade and he was known to do all sorts of grimy deeds including getting into fist fights with the local dudes in my city of Mississauga even to the capacity of challenging an entire group of Genos one night after leaving Dominion with a pile of stolen food he thieved. This fellow was my drinking buddy too on top of everything else and aside from Rimon Malika, he came to be one of the only people who would drink with me on a personal level. Whether you like him or lump him, Mikey was definitely the “NIGGA MAN” in my life being as I was always seen as a “white boy” by many people in town and I admired the fact that he was willing to stick by my side, even the night where we got into a fist fight ourselves over Jerry Parry. I’m sure the Jesus Squirrel considered his act of malice towards him as a necessary evil and in spite of the fact that he may ultimately go to the Underworld when he dies… he will at least not perish like so many of you might deserve to do so. The reason for calling this passage “Still Holding The Keg” is because in a “Bizarro World” I believe Michael Craig Hudson Norman is doing the exact same thing as me… slightly modified of course!

Michael Norman has been like an anchor in a lot of ways for my ship, being as he would constantly challenge my motives to the point where I accepted him as the Official Opposition, in contrast to many of my “wild” and “crazy” ideas regarding the “world” as we know it. Mikey, as he’s better known, is a Family Man nowadays but in his younger days he used to sport a fade and he was known to do all sorts of grimy deeds including getting into fist fights with the local dudes in my city of Mississauga even to the capacity of challenging an entire group of Genos one night after leaving Dominion with a pile of stolen food he thieved. This fellow was my drinking buddy too on top of everything else and aside from Rimon Malika & Eddy, he came to be one of the only people who would drink with me on a personal level. Whether you like him or lump him, Mikey was definitely the “NIGGA MAN” in my life being as I was always seen as a “white boy” by many people in town and I admired the fact that he was willing to stick by my side, even the night where we got into a fist fight ourselves over Jerry Parry. I’m sure the Jesus Squirrel considered his act of malice towards him as a necessary evil. The reason for calling this passage “Still Holding The Keg” is because in a “Bizarro World” I believe Mikey is doing the exact same thing as me… slightly modified of course!

Dunking On Jesus

I’ve been targeted by what appears to be some sort of Shadow Government for as far back as I remember, and among their many exploits, they attempted to make a mockery of our Lord & Saviour, by using The Cleveland Show to produce an image of Obama dunking on Jesus. As you all have figured out by now, I’m walking in His shoes to the point of perhaps even throwing my name in the hat to become the Second Coming and this photograph was not only blasphemous but an indication of the evil that’s hidden in plain sight that suggests there are folks out there vying for this to be a dark world. I must say, that I had this photo “blown up” and turned into a portrait for myself to put in my bedroom. As a “Lest We Forget” way of being. I obviously want evidence as to how corrupt our world has become. If you’d like to hear how I really felt about Obama dunking on Jesus then feel free to listen to “Dunking On Jesus” off my “Oh, Obama” album if you scroll down to the respective album.

I’ve been targeted by what appears to be some sort of Shadow Government for as far back as I remember, and among their many exploits, they attempted to make a mockery of our Lord & Saviour, by using The Cleveland Show to produce an image of Obama dunking on Jesus. As you all have figured out by now, I’m walking in His shoes to the point of perhaps even throwing my name in the hat to become the Second Coming and this photograph was not only blasphemous but an indication of the evil that’s hidden in plain sight that suggests there are folks out there vying for this to be a dark world. I must say, that I had this photo “blown up” and turned into a portrait for myself to put in my bedroom. As a “Lest We Forget” way of being. I obviously want evidence as to how corrupt our world has become. If you’d like to hear how I really felt about Obama dunking on Jesus then feel free to listen to “Dunking On Jesus” off my “Oh, Obama” album if you scroll down to the respective album.

M.U.M.I.A (Make Up More Intelligent Alternatives)

Mumia Abu Jamal has been sitting on Death Row since the 80s, and quite frankly, the fact he was never executed is making me wonder if his guilt truly is in question. Either that or it’s simply due to the fact that he’s a model inmate in the eyes of the correctional system. However, this man has professed his innocence from the very beginning, when he was originally tried for murdering a police officer way back in the day. I feel like our justice system is extremely flawed, and the purpose of posting this passage on my website, is to encourage all of you to come together and convince your governments to change the laws in your countries, to make sentences more fairer for those convicted. The punishment should reflect the crime quite frankly, and I’m tired of just seeing criminals being locked up with the key thrown away. Additionally, it’s my hope that if Dwayne Johnson becomes president in 2032, that by the time he’s done his two terms, and gets the chance to pardon folks, that he’ll select Mumia Abu Jamal as one of the folks he ends up pardoning.

It's Magic!

I used to play a game in middle school called Magic the Gathering, and although I stepped away from the spotlight of it for a number of years it gained a resurgence in my adulthood. I felt like I was released from a cryogenic freezing chamber by the…

I used to play a game in middle school called Magic the Gathering, and although I stepped away from the spotlight of it for a number of years it gained a resurgence in my adulthood. I felt like I was released from a cryogenic freezing chamber by the time I came out to play again, with all of the sets that came into fruition between the time I left and the time I returned. My dueling partner for the most part was a charismatic cat, called Todd Mara, who owns a comic book shop called Image Collections in Streetsville. We played Magic together on occasion on Friday nights and it was everything I could've hoped for as a spry little guy who needed a little positivism in an otherwise lackluster and morbid existence. I have many conventional decks of 60 cards, including a Squirrel deck, which I am particularly pleased with, because it once again shows the squirrels how much of an advocate I want to be for them. I also have a few Commander decks, of 100 cards, which I put together. Also, I'm a registered member of tappedout.net, where I posted my many decks and got feedback from the community of Magic players online. I should also mention that you can find Special Lil Guy on mtgcardsmith.com where I have a wide range of my own card designs on this interface. Additionally, I have an account with “Arena” under “Special Lil Guy” where I’m slinging spells using their technology interface and the reason for having the Mythic symbol as the image associated with this passage is because on July 28th, 2020 I actually achieved the Mythic ranking. Finally, I'm pleased to tell you that I have a Magic table in my living room for any small group of duelists who would like to play with me. Oh yeah, I also got an album called “Not Just Another Saproling” where I rap about MTG in greater detail!

The Wood Elves Wouldn’t Worry If They Saw a Steam Tank!

Let me indulge you with the wonderful and magnificent world of Citadel miniatures if I may. I started playing Warhammer 40K in my adolescence when I strolled into Game’s Workshop at Square One many years ago. I purchased a “Vindicare Assassin” miniature which I then subsequently painted, and upon realizing that he could only be allied with certain races, I ended up playing with “Imperial Guard”. They were the humans, and they focused around high octane military vessels like tanks. There were of course other races like Orks and Chaos but I wanted to keep it real with humanity, and so when I even started playing Warhammer Fantasy later on, I stuck with humans, being how I chose “Empire”. My biggest regret later on in life was that I didn’t choose “Wood Elves” which would’ve been great to play with instead. I’m very fond of Elves and Dryads and actually… the reason I ended up downloading “Realm War” was because I wanted to experience the nostalgia of playing Warhammer (even if it was on my mobile device) and flag down some Dryads. So, I ended up downloading this game on my iPhone 12 (which should have it’s own passage come to think of it but I probably won’t get around to writing about it) and started playing this amazing game, which focuses around deploying units using your Sigmar and attacking the opponent’s Spire and Hero to win. It’s worth mentioning that in the end, the Dryad I really wanted was the last character I unlocked and then oddly enough, after I unlocked him and had everybody… I made the mistake of downloading the game on my computer, which was unfortunately a version that was incompatible with my phone, but since my account was intertwined with both my computer and phone at that point… I ended up compromising the version of the game that was on my mobile device!

“We’re Under A Tack!”

Over the years of having “Still Holding The Egg” I’ve been truly neglectful, being as I never mentioned “Empire Earth” and the fact that this game literally saved my life at a time when I was suicidal and didn’t know how I was going to cope with mediocrity. I played this game, religiously, under the alias of “Rudy” who turned out to literally be a precious correspondent of mine, and actually, when I stopped playing… some years later… I thought of “Rudy” and I immediately started crying. This game is fun because it gives you the freedom to build settlements and other buildings and align yourself with troops to contend with other civilizations. For the most part, I played a “Random Map” where I often united with other A.I on a conquest to take down the opposing A.I. I’m thankful that I had “Empire Earth” and there’s some good news in that I’ll always have the talent to play this game no matter how old I get. It’s like riding a bicycle! My biggest dream when it comes to “Empire Earth” is to one day play a massive game with all of my friends over the internet on a “Gigantic” map but I realize that this is probably never gonna happen. Oh, well!

We’re Watching the “PARADES” Go By!

I’ve ALWAYS loved being a wordsmith and nothing felt like greater bread & butter than rearranging the letters in Scrabble and coming up with words to play. I think Scrabble is one of my top three games of all time, and I was so grateful that I was privileged enough to have a talent at it. And I really did! On a good day, I could score over 300 points in a single game! I played with Louie and Theresa once and even had a bingo (which is all seven tiles) that spelt the word “PARADES” but I was in a delicate relationship with Africa at the time, and I felt compelled to avoid playing it, as a result of the thought behind the Starving Children who never got to see any parades before. I played on the internet for a number of years too but it wasn’t until recently when I downloaded “Scrabble Go” on my iPhone 12, that I really felt like I finally found my true calling when it came to the game. I play all sorts of players, and it’s worth mentioning that Cora and Leah are among my favorite players to play against. I don’t know what the future holds for me as a wordsmith, as I’m not sure I will continue to rap for much longer… even though I was intending on providing myself with the beats and artwork for upcoming projects… but if I don’t end up remaining a lyricist, I at least get to polish myself by playing “Scrabble Go” for as long as I may live… and not lose or break my iPhone!

Did Somebody Call a Redecorator?

I didn’t want to leave out “Redecor” which was of course a home redecorating game I was playing for a while on my phone. This game was something that I became very good at, even getting to Level X in the game (which was the highest level I could reach). I had many enjoyable designs, but the one that really took the cake, was my final design, which got me to my 100th 5 Star Podium. I’m now officially retired from “Redecor”, but the memories will last a lifetime and I would also like to take the time to give a special shout out to all the other designers on this app, who along with Ethel’s Sunshine, truly demonstrated what it took to be an iconic home decorator.

June Bug

I’ve been experiencing a healthy addiction towards “hidden object” games throughout my life, and as much as I enjoyed a previous game I used to play on my mother’s iPad, called “Midnight Castle”, I have to admit that it was getting costly… so June’s Journey came along and became practically free-to-play... for the first little while. It’s really cool how they’re telling a story about June and her many journeys, including figuring out who killed her sister & her sister’s husband down to looking after her niece, Virginia. Ah yes, I can’t forget Julian. I think they may have a “thang” going on. I enjoyed searching for “hidden objects” and decorating the heck out of the estate with my earnings. I hope June gets the answers she needs throughout her journey, even though it’s unclear how long I may take part in it. I have to admit, nothing beats sitting down with a glass of wine (or two, or three) and playing June’s Journey!

Don’t Be Mad, Be Glad

A late entry into stillholdingtheegg.org was “Angry Birds 2” which was an iPhone game I played for a couple of months until I got to level 100, at which point I officially retired from it. This game is very, very fun. I’m sure kids would love it, and it teaches them about physics, among other practices. Essentially, you use your slingshot, to fling the Angry Birds at obstacles to get them to collapse, so the pigs get squished & squashed (sometimes firing the Angry Birds directly at the pigs themselves). Not every Angry Bird does the same thing, and some would drop bombs, others would blow up like bombs and others would actually shake the very ground they landed on… but no matter what… this often triggered the obstacles to collapse, and thus the pigs would be defeated. It was great playing “Angry Birds 2” in spite of everybody who complains that it’s a “money grab” in the app store comments. I spent under $5 to get to the level I reached in the game and I’m proud of that achievement. It’s important to mention, that as much as I enjoyed taking out a “Chef Pig” on occasion, what I really liked was when I walked into a Christian religion store once, and saw the “Happy Birds” which was a play on “Angry Birds”, encouraging kids not to be “angry” but rather be “happy”. Thank you, Jesus.

My Little Lombax

Let me start by saying that I appreciate all the games they’ve made for us over the years, from Pong to Final Fantasy. I enjoyed playing my Sega Genesis when I was a kid, and one of my fondest memories as a youngster, was when my dad plugged in the Sega Genesis for the first time, and I got to play “Sonic & Knuckles” in his bedroom. The “BOING” sound from jumping on the mushroom made my heart skip a beat. Moving forward, we’ve got systems like Xbox, PlayStation, and Nintendo Wii, and I’m thankful that we still have outlets for ourselves. With that being said, my favorite console game was “Ratchet & Clank” even if I had friends who mocked me for it. I loved playing this game, and Ratchet would often blow me away with the weapons in his arsenal. Clank would help him navigate those hard to reach places and also play an important role in his operations. Travelling around the galaxy, and contending with the mayhem that ensued will go down as one of my favorite activities, period. I love you, Ratchet… and Clank.

Yo Hablo Espanol

A beautiful app that can’t go unmentioned is DUOLINGO. This wonderful program has been teaching me Spanish for a while, and I’m pleased that I’m doing so well even without purchasing the premium service (which would allow me to soar through my lessons and not lose hearts in the process). I was bilingual most of my life, knowing both English and French, but decided I wanted to go for the trifecta, so I’ve taken on Spanish too. I can’t emphasize enough how DUOLINGO actually wants me to learn the language, and even sends me friendly reminders as a courtesy in case I’m falling behind. I’m grateful for the opportunity to learn this language, as I not only lived with a Spanish speaking friend for a number of years, but I realize that Spanish is one of the most popular languages in the western world. I can’t wait to go to a Spanish restaurant sometime and ask for a “hamburgeusa de queso” and see the look on the server’s face of amazement when a “gringo” is speaking their tongue.

Have You Seen My Bean Bunny?

An interesting character who can't go unmentioned throughout all of this, is Bean Bunny. He was a Muppet in his heyday who was permanently exiled from the cast as a result of dirty politics. Also, he was the Muppet that I was voted most likely to be…

An interesting character who can't go unmentioned throughout all of this, is Bean Bunny. He was a Muppet in his heyday who was permanently exiled from the cast as a result of dirty politics. Also, he was the Muppet that I was voted most likely to be like when I took the Buzz Feed quiz to determine which Muppet I was most similar to. I think it's very befitting, because I feel like I'm missing in action in my own life just as much as Bean Bunny is. I'm convinced there is a family out there for me and although I may not be privileged enough to live with them, that doesn't take away from having Bean Bunny as my representation of my isolation. I have an image of Bean Bunny tattooed on my right bicep as well. Feel free to listen to “What’s Wrong With Walter?” on my “Clarence Love” album to hear how I felt about everything (incidentally, it’s over the same instrumental as “What’s Wrong With Wolfie?”).

Limbo

When I played Limbo I knew I was in for one of the most difficult challenges of my life. Fallout Boy as I like to call him would continuously succumb to his own demise and it was bewildering. The puzzles in this morbid game were enough to make someb…

When I played Limbo I knew I was in for one of the most difficult challenges of my life. Fallout Boy as I like to call him would continuously succumb to his own demise and it was bewildering. The puzzles in this morbid game were enough to make somebody want to cry out. Despite many instances where I felt stumped, I made it through... well... in a manner of speaking, even though I ended up right where I started! References to Fallout Boy are made on the very first album you’ll hear if you scroll down to “The Precious Album” off of “What’s The Afterlife Like?”.

Sadie’s Secret Salmon Stash

The purpose of this passage is to indicate that some things in life just weren’t meant to be. With that being said, “Sadie’s Secret Salmon Stash” was supposed to be the second instalment of “The Adventures of Jerry Parry…” but it never came into fruition. I believe that God sometimes plants ideas in our minds, and then like the way Abraham was told to stop at the last second when he thought the Lord was instructing him to kill his child on the hilltop, we’re told similarly to abandon our ploys. The nature of still writing & recording is painstaking for me, and I imagine that others are affected by the mayhem at this point. I would call the final push with rhyme writing as a “Cold War” where it wasn’t necessarily intended for me to unleash havoc on the mic again. It feels like bees at a picnic, from the standpoint of thinking that we’re having a great time enjoying ourselves but the reality is that there’s a “nuisance” going on… and that’s to the extent of still writing & recording. I should mention that in my last days, I slugged out almost 20 more albums (that are written but not recorded) and it was borderline suicide, when I think about the strain it took on me. All the while, you might’ve realized I expressed an eagerness to make it to 7.17 GB in accordance with the size of the “Donnybrook”, “Two Tickets to Tatooine” and “Like a Girl In a Fantasy” songs that were 7.17 MB, respectively, later expressing a different interest in reaching 7.14 GB out of regard for not wanting to “brush shoulders with God Almighty too tenderly” (while reaching the amount of homeruns Babe Ruth got to) but low & behold… I actually ended up surrendering myself to the pageantry of 5.30 GB, ultimately. The number “530” actually means “I Miss You” in Chinese culture and has special connotation with the way folks Online will communicate, allegedly. In addition, the Angelic meaning behind “530” is gratitude, growth & prosperity. I’m glad I got within range of my ultimate goal, but I’m satisfied that I could take a knee, in terms of my “Polly” folder. I wanted to post this passage here, to let you know what you’re in store for if you choose to scroll down further… and in all honesty, it’s a plethora of my life’s work of making music and living up to “PAUL PARRY” which is also an anagram for “PLAY UR RAP”.

The Precious Album

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Precious Commodity

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Precious Armageddon

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Carrot Cake EP

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Sadly Gifted

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Niece Jackie

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Aussie Had No Fuzzy

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Ode 2 Tami

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Taylor Made EP

Clarence Love

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Precious Resurrection

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Scout’s Honor

The Becky Lynch Boys Lounge

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My Sister Knew I Was Right

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Strictly For My B.I.T.C.H.E.S (Best If The Chicks Hold Everybody Sturdy)

Made In Canada

Char Now Or Char Later

Jackie’s Baby

Tried By D12

If I Was On That Cross

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The Exposé Of Carah Faye

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J.E.S.U.S (Just Expect Somebody’s Ultimate Sacrifice)

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J.O.A.N (Join Our Army Now)

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If I Was A Squirrel

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Not Just Another Saproling

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Oh, Obama

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Tapping Into Mother Nature

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Tell Me More About Mary And Joseph

Now Leaving Obscurity

One Day It’s Carah And The Next Day It’s Emma

The Others

Uncle Ozzy

He’ll Have His Day In The Sun

Free Barabbas

One With None

Je Ne Crois Pas Que Tu Sois Une Pomme De Terre

Caught Between A Rock And A Scarface

Pollypalooza

Uncle Vlad

Horseradish

The Many More Faces Of Oliver Hart

The Jury’s Out On Jehovah

Before You Claim That Iron Throne

Char Now Or Char Never

King Of You

Offering A Way Off This Carousel

All I Ever Wanted Was A Pet Cemetery

The Precious Album (Reboot)

C.H.R.I.S.T (Claiming His Resurrection Is Something Triumphant)

Someone Tell Kermit We’ve Got Somebody Who Misses Y’all

Furthermore to what I mentioned about Bean Bunny earlier, I’ve got a stand alone album in a separate folder altogether (which I’m making available for all of you on my website, just below this parchment). It’s called “The Death of Bean Bunny” and although the name of the album may sound very morbid, it’s basically only being done to illustrate the point that if the Muppets plan on just abandoning Bean Bunny, and not making a new film to reconcile with him, then he might as well be dead. The album is pretty cool otherwise, and doesn’t talk about hurting Bean Bunny at all, but nonetheless it’s a little dark from the standpoint of suggesting that Bean Bunny is dead. I’m rapping under the name “Big Rudy” for this project, where my voice is altered somewhat, in accordance with how my alter ego, Big Rudy, would’ve sounded like. As a last ditch effort, let me make my heartfelt plea towards the Muppets… PLEASE DON’T FORSAKE BEAN BUNNY!

The Death Of Bean Bunny

Suffering SuccoTots

For what it’s worth, I was devising a scheme where I could truly get my core audience behind the theme of my “Precious” archetype. With that being said, there’s a play on words of “Sufferin’ Succotash” which is actually a twist on “Suffering Savior” that Sylvester the Cat would often say during his Merry Melodies escapades. My turn of phrase will subsequently be “Suffering SuccoTots” and I may end up doing everything from making it common practice of exclaiming the words whenever I’m in a tight spot, to marketing my own merchandise with the logo visible. I’m convinced that my little ones needed a little more than simply my aspirations as an underground rapper, and therefor, with a little help from the Man Upstairs and my own initiative, I’m certain that this plot will take place in a more substantial way. If the day ever occurs where I have a clothing line, you’ll certainly be able to order from me, and can imagine that “Suffering SuccoTots” will be the focal point with all things considered.

cartoonist@michaelmcdonnell.ca

I had a very special person on board when it came to my precious music, and that was none other than Michael McDonnell. He’s a cartoon artist, who I highly recommend and vouch for, who has an incredible talent. I wouldn’t have been able to create th…

I had a very special person on board when it came to my precious music, and that was none other than Michael McDonnell. He’s a cartoon artist, who I highly recommend and vouch for, who has an incredible talent. I wouldn’t have been able to create the album covers for my precious music without him, and he did a phenomenal job of drawing and coloring in the pictures of the Sun Tots and the Bean Bunny and their various shenanigans. This man definitely deserves a little praise.

Just a Fingertip Away

It’s important to mention that I always loved Bean Bunny from the Muppets, and felt like he was the cardinal representation of all things “precious” in terms of my little ones. This image, is the full unadulterated photograph that my friend, Michael McDonnell, made for me, to ensue that Bean Bunny will never be forgotten by Kermit the Frog, in spite of the lengths that everybody was going to remove him from the fold. I feel like one of these days, Bean Bunny will be reincluded into the scheme of things, but until that day comes, I will be, in my own right, the permanent representation of everything loving & respectful that Bean Bunny deserved in life. I hope he isn’t forgotten about, and have to mention, unwearyingly, that I’ve focused a lot of attention around him ever since realizing that I was the real life version of him, according to a Buzz Feed quiz that was taken. I believe that my precious fans, must’ve recognized that Bean Bunny is exposed in various album covers concerning Special Lil Guy (and friends) and I pray that you can all wish the best for Bean Bunny… and Kermit… and the Muppets… in the long run!

Before You Wind Up Losing More Than Brett When Owen Croaked!

Anybody who sings "He's got the Whole World in his Hands" had better have the moral fiber to back up their anxiousness to cover a song which was otherwise written for children. To be more specific, it was written for children who would like to be in…

Anybody who sings "He's got the Whole World in his Hands" had better have the moral fiber to back up their anxiousness to cover a song which was otherwise written for children. To be more specific, it was written for children who would like to be introduced to the concept of God Almighty at a young age. Bray Wyatt performed a cardinal sin when he stole the words from out of their mouths, and little hands aren't going to take it sitting down.

"You probably think they're brittle... popcorn in a kettle... I never liked the way you tried to lure them to the devil... the whole world in his hands... I'm tagging Spider-Man... I want to tie you up with web and snatch your diaphragm... your family's so sadistic... you're far from marvelous... a fucking narcissus who turns the audience to arsonists... fireflies are spooked... you have them in a trance... and then you preach to them and have them cram for their exam... the little love you get... is from your tragic tale... the feelings of compassion for your Sister Abigail... you kiss the boys goodnight... every time you fight... the hardest fight you fought was keeping Elmo out of sight... they say that life is precious... you tiptoe to the kitchen... I see you eyeing cookie jars like Jack the Ripper's victims... you copy Zodiacs... you're killing hopes and dreams... selling children crack and acting like it's magic beans... if you arranged a cult... I'm sure it would be likely... eventually there'd be a day that you'd be fetching Nikes... back to playing Ring Toss... the referee's disturbed... he isn't counting on you but he's counting on your nerve... you speak to everybody... like you're fucking chosen... and skate across the Frozen Ocean feeling no emotion... I think your coaxing needs to be acknowledged as a hoax... before you wind up losing more than Brett when Owen croaked...

When I was a boy they thought my mother wouldn't let me... be a Macho Man and it was far from fucking sexy... I used to wrestle Eric Vogl and he often fled... I guess I must've frowned when daddy wrestled me in bed... I tried to make it up to everybody that I wronged... it's like it drove me crazy feeling right where I belonged... you might've had a fucked up childhood a little too... maybe brawny bullies came around and picked on you... you grew up in a hurry... you even grew a beard... you probably grew withdrawn when everybody disappeared... the angels knew the angles... your soul was on the table... and Vincent picked it up like someone sabotaged a rainbow... you talked about the ladder... the one that led to heaven... but deep inside of you I feel you hardly yearned a haven... like heaven is on earth... and you don't want to leave... and wouldn't Kumbaya for a Johnny Appleseed... if Jesus is a savior... then he's green eggs and ham... and you don't fucking want him anymore than Peter Pan... the funny thing is how your fucking head is in the clouds... and you're so high and mighty that you barely hear the crowds... you're crushing spirits, man... and wrestling is your outlet... acting like a fucking songbird nestling in your crow's nest... the whole world in his hands... but you won't know much longer... if you don't tell us all that you're the big, bad, monster...

You talk about the way that they've been lying to somebody... and place your pudgy finger to your mouth like don't get nosy... you've got too many secrets... let's crack the trapper keeper... before you really press my cider like a shadow creature... I'll take your rocking chair... and wipe away the filth... and hand it to your grandmother and ask her for a quilt... it's not a lot to ask... I'll maybe get a muffin... for every time you brainwashed every fucking kissing cousin... we'll have a hootenanny... we'll have a fucking hoedown... cause you've been acting cold enough to call a fucking snowplow... you look like the magician... who cruelly melted Frosty... and made the kids as sad as when Apollo died in Rocky... and all the while the Frozen Ocean hasn't cracked a smidge... but you've been skating harder than a fight for Vimy Ridge... and it's as if on top of everything that's taking place... you're basking in the frosting of my fucking carrot cake... the whole world in his hands... the words are echoing... you're staging requiem throughout of every wrestling ring... beyond the dawn of night... through every donnybrook... I spot the spotted owl giving kids a body hook... with every lullaby you kill a fucking butterfly... so blow the lantern out before you make a couple cry... and recognize that what you're doing to the kids is wrong... you might as well have sent Americans to Vietnam... and leave the carrot cake alone it's like my lucky charms... you're better off with Hornswaggle riding some bumper cars... I want to see you chill we're talking like a cider mill... and feel a little precious like you're into Fivel still... I'm asking you politely... I'm pleading in a way... for you to kill the noise and live to die another day... or Bray Wyatt is over like a Hunt for Red October... without a purpose following a buzzard or a vulture"

*The recording of this script is available on my “Clarence Love” album if you scroll up and look for “Donnybrook”.

Electrifying!

If it wasn't bad enough that I got brutalized by the police that time I was running away with my kitty cat, then it must've reached a crescendo when I was tasered by a police officer once for playing “Donnybrook” and prioritizing with listening to t…

If it wasn't bad enough that I got brutalized by the police that time I was running away with my kitty cat, then it must've reached a crescendo when I was tasered by a police officer once for playing “Donnybrook” and prioritizing with listening to the song over talking to him, when three cops unceremoniously barged into my pad to serve my Community Treatment Order. This cop electrocuted me for a good minute or so (likely because I stood up and took the shock like a hero rather than keel over from it) before finally taking his finger off the trigger and it probably left me with scars that will never heal as well as a feeling that I'm closer to god than ever before.

The Carahgotchi Complex

It would appear as though I was more fond of Carah Faye than I originally had anticipated. In fact, I carried on with the Carahgotchi and Carahgotchi remixes all throughout my tenure as an emcee. As much as I was trying to strike a definitive blow t…

It would appear as though I was more fond of Carah Faye than I originally had anticipated. In fact, I carried on with the Carahgotchi and Carahgotchi remixes all throughout my tenure as an emcee. As much as I was trying to strike a definitive blow to Carah Faye’s ego, I’m positively tingling to report that Carahgotchi as an entity is something separate from Carah Faye all together and she lives inside of me as a spirit who forever craves those delicious tacos from Taco Bell. Currently, there’s a power struggle between Carah Faye and Carahgotchi for supremacy and I pretty much sit back and watch them buck heads like it’s something out of my control. I wish nothing but the best for Carah Faye but I also hope my little Carahgotchi can find her place in the world I’ve created for her and not let the minions boss her around too much and treat her like a subsidiary.

The NeverEnding Orgy

I was always fond of the NeverEnding Story. Unfortunately, some bozo ended up making a video on YouTube called the NeverEnding Orgy, and did a horrendous job of telling the tale of Fantasia going at it in a scandalous manner. I took it upon myself to rectify this situation as best as I could, by composing my own version of the NeverEnding Orgy. It may seem a little tasteless for the most part, but I thought it was original and maybe even a little imaginative on my part, leading up to the turnaround at the end. If you’re mature enough, I recommend at least listening to it for yourself, completely, before you judge me for my merit. As you can see, the infamous Carah Faye is in the still image associated with the video, and that’s just to shake her sugarplums a little.

Watch Me EP

Natural Supplements

Stan Shady

Let me start off by saying, I’m extremely pleased with the “Special Lil Guy And Friends” folder. It’s everything I ever would’ve wanted for my musical ambition, and to show God how much I loved Him and his Son, Jesus. Unbeknownst to what I thought might’ve been more than enough in terms of lyricism, I ended up revisiting my adolescence somewhat, and in doing so, I cultivated the idea of “Stan Shady”, who might’ve otherwise been the moniker I would’ve gone by, if I didn’t find more tasteful names to associate with my music. Some of the content is a little flaky as well, but I’m glad I was able to construct a little “spicy shrimp” for you. I hope you enjoy taking a listen to these albums below, if you get the chance. “Stan Shady” is a separate folder altogether, and it’s also important to note that I take this namesake with a grain of salt… knowing that not only would I probably make a very watered down version of this character for “Slim Shady” but I also have higher standards than to actually parade around, acting like I’m truly him.

Ignoring Warning Labels

Form 1

W.I.G.G.E.R (White Is Getting Greyer Every Rebound)

Dead N#gger Storage

Oh, Obama (Prequel)

M.U.M.I.A (Make Up More Intelligent Alternatives)

Natural Supplements

Ethel’s Sunshine

You’re probably wondering why the “Hip-Hop, Hibbit to the Hibbit” lady is in the photograph above, and this is because of the fact that Ethel’s Sunshine was actually inspired by Ethel Mason…. one of God’s most precious creations in her own right. The lady in the photograph, who was actually the hip old granny from Wedding Singer, is the closest human contact that I had, in terms of the similarities in appearance between Ethel Mason and anybody else. Interestingly enough, Ethel Mason had a charming husband named Kenneth Mason. It’s important to mention him too. You may even remember that I’ve been playing Redecor and June’s Journey under the pseudonym of Ethel’s Sunshine. Ah, yes… let the good times roll.

Jackie’s Baby (Vol. 2)

The Return Of The Steam Woman

Some Friends Of The Savior

Disc 1

Disc 2

Disc 3

Disc 4

You Spy With Your Little Eye (On Top Of The Pyramid)

The JADEFROST Album

Tell Me WATSON It For Me?

Lost Tapes

Heavenly Cause

The Very Best Of…

Disc 1

Disc 2

Lexi’s Scum Line

Lexi’s Scum Line is the beginning of the end for Special Lil Guy. Not to take a darn thing away from him as an entity, a friend and a persona, but this next chapter of my Lyrical Jesus fortitude is offering a bit of a grizzly & grimy individual. You may notice that the voice I’m using for my recordings is similar to the “Beast” I offered you all in that Emma Watson song on her tribute album. Yeah… I guess I wanted to keep things a little greasy but just know that the overall nature of Paul Parry (and his preciousness) is evident, so don’t judge me too harshly for the fact that the voice is a little sinister. Lexi, as a namesake, is based around Lexi Tronic, who was a transgendered woman who had a grievance with me when I was younger, and actually mistook me for someone who was threatening to kill her. The reason for acknowledging her today is because I didn’t want Lexi to think that I had a grudge against her, even though I was obviously hurt that I was being falsely accused of heinous acts.

A Wine Stain In The 36th Chamber

It’s A New Don, It’s A New Day

Let Me Help You With That Cockroach Problem

Vol. I

Vol. II

Vol. III

NINcompoop (Tales From Six Inch Snails)

Nothing’s Going 2 Change The World

Could You Die Alone?

Believe In Steven

Be Grateful

I spent many weeks cultivating a daily recognition of everything I’m grateful for. I realize I may have left out a few things, but I got the bulk of it down, and wanted to share it with you all, and make sure that these daily writings could remain something that doesn’t disappear… for so long as my website remains intact. Therefor, you’ll now be able to see a long list of items I’m grateful for below. I hope you can see how precious I find life to be, and that I wouldn’t expect to have quite as good a life in another life, if I didn’t take the time to show my gratitude for everything great I got in this one.

  • My precious life, and my dog, Precious and time I got to spend with my friends and family, as well as my many talents.

  • Fairly good health, as well as the abundance of wealth my parents left for me, as well as my efficient knowledge of self.

  • My beautiful mind, body and soul, which have always made me very joyful to take on this expedition.

  • I am thankful for Alan, Diane, Satya and Emma to list some of the people I am thankful for.

  • One of the brightest ideas I ever had was downloading Acid Pro, to create my own music.

  • Acts of kindness include Charity, Food Table and Rooster Salvation.

  • My wonderful collection of music and movies, as well as framed images and lovely clothes.

  • My cellphone, including having access to social media on it, and my lovely apps like June’s Journey, MTG Arena, Duolingo, etc.

  • All the little signs God gives me that I’m special.

  • My computer and all the wonderful things on it.

  • Happy memories include Sherkston Shores with my family and then the Normans.

  • Things I’ve learned include to learn from my mistakes and take responsibility for not only my behavior but be a scapegoat for others.

  • My mind, body and soul. I have a brainy brain, a cool avatar and a beautiful soul, and I hope and pray they remain intact.

  • Being Ethel’s Sunshine, which is not only a crafty player on Redecor and June’s Journey, but also a lovely woman’s knight in shining armor.

  • The breakthroughs in science and technology, and I sure hope we have a cure for cancer one day.

  • The beautiful nature, including all the marvelous animals and insects who share this world with me.

  • My cousin Brian, and the great relationship I have with the Bank of Nova Scotia, who all look after my financial woes.

  • The chance to give the Bean Bunny a new home.

  • My friendship with special creatures like Ann Elizabeth and the squirrels.

  • A kind note to someone special would be Prince Maheen… and I know it ain’t easy but Jelly Babies love you!

  • Proof from D12, if he comes back from the dead after 2Pac, because we’ll truly understand why love killed him.

  • The air I breathe, the water I drink and the Babybel I’m thieved.

  • My spiritual network, where folks like Carah Faye and others are able to exist more so than reality.

  • Self improvement goals include Money Management, Hygiene, Volunteering, Job Search and Humility.

  • People I’d like to see more of include Satya.

  • The beauty of Nature includes how I want to take a moment to express the love I have for my backyard.

  • All the unique people, animals, insects and plants that share this world with me.

  • My disappointments because they make my triumphs all that much more exquisite.

  • Special Lil Guy, as an alias and as an entity.

  • Rey Mysterio, and everyone else from WWE.

  • Creative thoughts include how I’d like to write a novel or screenplay down the road, and maybe team up with Mikey.

  • Positive events that shaped who I am include NLS, High School Diploma, and my Polly folder.

  • Chester Bennington, and so many other musicians and entertainers who made me feel special with their artwork.

  • The chance to redeem myself in the eyes of the squirrels, with their food and burial rites, after that squirrel that got run over when I was young.

  • The opportunity to make up for my questionable past, and lead a life of righteousness and purity.

  • The ability to walk and run, and that my limbs and joints are working, along with walking my dog, Precious.

  • Being able to leave food on the table on Dundas and Erindale Station Road, for the hungry folks in my community.

  • My beautiful homes over the years, with honorary mention to air conditioning.

  • My literacy, right down to my vocab and penmanship.

  • Things to remember include when I created “The Precious Album” (my first Hip Hop album, which was also made into an actual CD).

  • My exquisite taste in food and other pleasures.

  • Potentially having a family doctor in Dr. Rafi and her son.

  • The miracle of still being here after I was poisoned, choked and electrocuted.

  • People I am thankful for include Alan, Diane, Craig Ross and Jerry.

  • Of my acts of kindness, what stands out the most right now is the donation table at Westdale Mall.

  • The chance to serenade Emma Watson, with so many songs, as I’ve identified that she may be my soulmate.

  • The opportunity to prove my love for God, by taking a sabbatical with June’s Journey for 40 days and 40 nights now that I’m at 717.

  • Waking up every morning to my little dog, Precious.

  • The chance to complete my music catalogue and resign just shy of 717 songs (including duplicates).

  • Happy memories include watching Jerry Parry play fetch with crumpled paper.

  • Things I’ve learned include how to hold my own, and as the saying goes “God bless the child that can hold his own”.

  • My relationship with Barak Obama in spirit, even throughout the hardship including bangers like “Dunking On Jesus”.

  • My ability to rhyme words, count bars and carry a flow with rhythm. This is one of my most treasured talents.

  • The chance to live a purpose driven life, with the possibility of dying one day, and deserving to go to Heaven.

  • All my influences, like Nikola Tesla, Babe Ruth, KRS-1 and so many others, who taught me many life lessons.

  • My correspondence with the infamous Carah Faye over the years. She’s been annoying but she also pushed me hard.

  • God’s compassion which was shown also when He spared two of every animal.

  • All my Knick Knacks and bells and whistles.

  • A kind note to someone special would have to be Ann Elizabeth because I want her to know how foxy, smart and lovely she is.

  • Radio, television and broadcasting in spite of the fact that I failed at the curriculum I took during that course at Niagara College.

  • My dreams, whether they’re the huge goal versions or the kind I get while I’m asleep.

  • My remarkable talent with putting things together, whether it’s organizing my files and folders or building MTG decks and more.

  • Self improvement goals include laying off too much drinking, vaping, junk food, porno and step down as an emcee.

  • People I’d like to see more of include Cathryn (a kind woman who lives on my new street).

  • The beauty of nature includes how I just want to emphasize how much I love my neighborhood.

  • My development of language, as I’m pretty darn good at English, half decent at French, and working on Spanish.

  • Seeing the little girl at the pool that day, who inspired me to take on this “precious” undertaking.

  • Gideon, Nigel and all the precious children of the world.

  • Retrieving everything I’ve lost, including my mind and soul.

  • Morning gratitude includes waking up, alive and well… seeing Precious next to me when I wake up… knowing my home is still here… knowing the world is intact… and being able to have coffee.

  • Afternoon gratitude includes knowing I can perform tasks… having music, movies and games… taking Precious for walks… sipping on beers… and planning for tomorrow.

  • Evening gratitude includes eating a nice meal… snuggling with Precious… watching prime time TV… maybe calling a friend… and having a nice bed to sleep in.

  • My reflections are how I’m grateful I had this little gratitude journal to express my gratitude.

Master Splinter

As much as I love being a Ninja Turtle, the relationship between Master Splinter and I is actually the relationship between myself and a wise old man named Satya who lives at my complex on South Millway Drive. Satya means “Truth” in his language and it’s the name he goes by. He’s always known to give me pointers and advice on life whenever I happen to run into him, and I’m grateful for all the wisdom he’s bestowed upon me. Satya was a teacher for a number of years, and his students praise him for the work he’s done through academia. It’s worth mentioning that I play the lottery every week in hopes that I can win a large jackpot, and split the winnings with Satya. I know he’ll put the money I give him to good use. One more thing… I ate the Carolina Reaper because of him!

As much as I love being a Ninja Turtle, the relationship between Master Splinter and I is actually the relationship between myself and a wise old man named Satya who lives at my complex on South Millway Drive. Satya means “Truth” in his language and it’s the name he goes by. He’s always known to give me pointers and advice on life whenever I happen to run into him, and I’m grateful for all the wisdom he’s bestowed upon me. Satya was a teacher for a number of years, and his students praise him for the work he’s done through academia. Something incredible he used to do was drag the green bins, garbage bins and recycling bins of our neighbor’s from the foot of their driveways to the foot of their houses as a random act of kindness. He was asked to stop doing it though, and I ended up taking over for him when the Board declared that he had become a liability. It’s worth mentioning that I play the lottery every week in hopes that I can win a large jackpot, and split the winnings with Satya. I know he’ll put the money I give him to good use. One more thing… I ate the Carolina Reaper because of him!

How Can I Forget About “Anne”?

Although I didn’t get to watch the show on television as much as I would’ve liked to, I’ve always felt this connection with Anne of Green Gables. I know the feeling of thinking that it must’ve been some mistake to wind up where I wound up when it co…

Although I didn’t get to watch the show on television as much as I would’ve liked to, I’ve always felt this connection with Anne of Green Gables. I know the feeling of thinking that it must’ve been some mistake to wind up where I wound up when it comes to my original family. It’s like the stork was drunk and dropped me off at the first house they could find. Nonetheless, just like Anne, I proved that I could adapt to my new surroundings and not only survive but flourish despite so many instances where it seemed like I was falling to pieces. Anne of Green Gables should be regarded as my final attempt to prove that I have some morals and ethics inside of me even when it would appear as though I have fallen victim to Marshall Mathers and his mischievous ways.

Further To God’s Myth To Women

As much as I strived to be a good little man for all the wonderful women in this world, and even began desecrating my flesh with tattoos to signify the particulars in this tragic kingdom; it also needs to be said that I never did in fact find my Special Lil Gal. It broke my heart even more to know that I would likely “die alone” for all extensive purposes, and that I would live my life as a king without a queen. It wasn’t without it’s merit though, as I at the very least was conscientious and aware of the specific sweethearts who I could’ve imagined being in a serious relationship with throughout my tenure here on the third rock from the sun. They ranged from Alanis Morrissette to Gal Gadot to various other incredible ladies. I often felt like women were writing music about me too like Adrienne Bennett and MC Lyte. It’s also worth mentioning that I came to learn that odds were that I would’ve found my “soulmate” before the age of 20 and if that’s the case, with everything considered, it was very likely Deanna Sim (who should’ve been my high school sweetheart if Mary Jane and Hip Hop didn’t counter this). As the final thought for this passage, I must declare that I’m aware of Sylvia from the block, and I know we don’t get to talk that often when I run into her when she’s walking her doggy but if one thing’s for sure I will always enjoy running into her… although I do have to find that “key” (the key to her heart).

As much as I strived to be a good little man for all the wonderful women in this world, and even began desecrating my flesh with tattoos to signify the particulars in this tragic kingdom; it also needs to be said that I never did in fact find my Special Lil Gal. It broke my heart even more to know that I would likely “die alone” for all extensive purposes, and that I would live my life as a king without a queen. It wasn’t without it’s merit though, as I at the very least was conscientious and aware of the specific sweethearts who I could’ve imagined being in a serious relationship with throughout my tenure here on the third rock from the sun. They ranged from Alanis Morrissette to Gal Gadot to various other incredible ladies. I often felt like women were writing music about me too like Adrienne Bennett and MC Lyte. It’s also worth mentioning that I came to learn that odds were that I would’ve found my “soulmate” before the age of 20 and if that’s the case, with everything considered, it was very likely Deanna Sim (who should’ve been my high school sweetheart if Mary Jane and Hip Hop didn’t counter this). As the final thought for this passage, I must declare that I’d be much happier with my precious Emma Watson than Carah Faye in the end, if that’s what the Universe had planned for me.

I Know A Little Puppy Named Precious!

I must start by saying that I miss my kitty cat Jerry tremendously. In his absence, eventually I decided I needed a new companion and it became “Precious” who is essentially my new best friend. I love her so much and she is everything I could’ve ever asked for in a dog. She barks and bites and she makes me laugh and it’s so gratifying to have somebody so close to me once again. “Precious” is a Jack Russel Terrier and Mexican Chihuahua mixed breed that I got from Kevin Swan from London, Ontario. I’m extremely happy with “Precious” and she’s known to eat pretty much anything that I’m eating other than chocolate. One thing’s for sure, I doubt I’ll be miserable again now that I’ve made this addition to my life.

I must start by saying that I miss my kitty cat Jerry tremendously. In his absence, eventually I decided I needed a new companion and it became “Precious” who is essentially my new best friend. I love her so much and she is everything I could’ve ever asked for in a dog. She barks and bites and she makes me laugh and it’s so gratifying to have somebody so close to me once again. “Precious” is a Jack Russel Terrier and Mexican Chihuahua mixed breed that I got from Kevin Swan from London, Ontario. I’m extremely happy with “Precious” and she’s known to eat pretty much anything that I’m eating other than chocolate. One thing’s for sure, I doubt I’ll be miserable again now that I’ve made this addition to my life.

The Adventures Of Jerry Parry…

I’m happy to share “The Adventures of Jerry Parry…” with you. This story is about Jerry’s misadventures with the Peterson Boys, when they wind up in Mouseville and almost end up in a situation beyond their control. My mother’s wishes were that I come up with a short story about little Jerry Parry (the family pet) before she passed away, and years later I finally took up the initiative. Feel free to watch this video which is being streamed through my YouTube channel. I hope you like what I came up with. Michael McDonnell drew the illustrations and I wrote and spoke the choreography.

How Can I Forget About Gideon?

There’s a boy named Gideon who you can find on “I’ve Pet That Dog” when you type it in as a twitter search. I encourage everybody to follow his Twitter account, as he has a tendency of petting different dogs on a regular basis and blogging about the…

There’s a boy named Gideon who you can find on “I’ve Pet That Dog” when you type it in as a twitter search. I encourage everybody to follow his Twitter account, as he has a tendency of petting different dogs on a regular basis and blogging about them. It’s Gideon’s goal to pet 1,000,000 different dogs in his lifetime. The account is supervised by his mother, so you know there won’t be many shenanigans and Gideon does an outstanding job of reporting on the various canines he meets in his community. It’s my hope that someday he’ll meet Precious and pet her and blog about her but I know that’s a little far fetched. I know Gideon probably doesn’t need anymore attention from his fans, but I took it upon myself to write a song about this lovely lad with references to Precious as well in order to help promote his life a little more if it’s okay with him which you can hear if you scroll up to my “Clarence Love” album.

My Shepherd’s Pie Will Make You Touch The Sky

I’m pleased to announce that I’ve perfected the craft of making Shepherd’s pie. This meal is absolutely delicious and everybody who tries it rants and raves about it. There’s not too much to it. You pretty much just need to boil the potatoes and mas…

I’m pleased to announce that I’ve perfected the craft of making Shepherd’s pie. This meal is absolutely delicious and everybody who tries it rants and raves about it. There’s not too much to it. You pretty much just need to boil the potatoes and mash them and fry the ground beef (no lamb… I’m not that cruel) and boil carrots, peas, and corn then mix the veggies with the ground beef once it’s cooked and layer the mashed potatoes on top of it (sorry for the run along sentence). I often use sweet potatoes and Caribbean sweet potatoes with the conventional potatoes to kick things up another notch. Oh, and gravy is mandatory like ketchup on fries! All are invited to try my Shepherd’s pie and if Randy Santel is reading this… I would especially like to prepare a dish for him which doesn’t have to be a food challenge, just a small token of my gratitude for all the incredible videos he’s posted of himself eating large amounts of grub on his YouTube channel.

I Like A Lot

I like a lot and just like Mary Poppins I have some favorite things… or rather “thangs”… that I wanted to share with all of my precious audience members. This is obviously a short list and certainly doesn’t tend to the bulk of everything I really find favorable but it’s the thought that counts and I hope that you can appreciate how much I need special items in my life. I’m pleased to say that I have some of these things already but I’m also sad to report that there are other items that I may never actually obtain in my life.

Do You Think Eeyore Is An Eyesore?

I have a tattoo of Eeyore on my butt cheek which I'm not ashamed to tell you but I'm not proud to have. It's pretty much become the culmination of everything I've gone through in terms of letting the starving children, the squirrels, and the preciou…

I have a tattoo of Eeyore on my butt cheek which I'm not ashamed to tell you but I'm not proud to have. It's pretty much become the culmination of everything I've gone through in terms of letting the starving children, the squirrels, and the preciouses know that although my tail doesn't always stay on, it shouldn't take away from how hard I'll try to hold myself together when it does.

Strange Bedfellows

In my wildest dreams, I pictured a scenario where Jesus & Joan may consider sleeping together and as such, I prepared a room to demonstrate what this would entail. As you can see, there’s images above each side of the bed, respectively, and I’m sure they’ll swap sides occasionally, but for the time being this is how it appeared. They’ve been through a lot and as much as I know Jesus is supposed to have his Brides of Christ and Joan must have her sexy Frenchmen who tailor to their needs, I just figured it was time to put a stop to all that polygamy and intend to have them spend eternity together. Some of you may see this as blasphemy, but I see it no differently than Allah’s blessing when he orders arranged marriages between his Muslim people. Let’s hope they can learn to get along, and that neither of them tries to hog the bed covers from the other person. You all must realize by now that I have a messiah complex but if Jesus Christ drops from the sky in his golden chariot, then I’ll be more than willing to let him sleep in my bed with the Maiden of Heaven… and I’ll take the couch in the living room!

Jeepers Creepers Was A Euphemism For Jesus Christ!

Oh, so you made it all the way from top to bottom, eh? Well, thank you first and foremost for taking the time to absorb some if not all of my life story. Let me finish by saying that… I may not make it to 717 (although if I do I will edit this passa…

Oh, so you made it all the way from top to bottom, eh? Well, thank you first and foremost for taking the time to absorb some, if not all, of my life story. Let me finish by saying that… if anything mattered, it was my passion and ambition for getting as close as “HUMANELY” possible to honoring “THE MAN WITH THE WORLD IN HIS HANDS”. I made references to many moments in my life where things may have been a little apprehensive and yet I hope that my judge will one day take everything I’ve laid out for the jury into account before condemning me to the underworld… if that’s where I deserve to frolic. The sign I’m holding reading “TOMORROW” is more of a concern than anything as much as “TOMORROW” isn’t promised or rather never really even comes because by the time it’s happened it’s become “TODAY”; I just wouldn’t want to be going “BACK & FORTH”. I’ve shown a recognition of how this might’ve been the case, by making the “ORRO” in “TOMORROW” stand out; which indicates a palindrome (words like “RACECAR” are also of this nature). With everything we’ve accomplished as human beings, animals, insects, plant life and microorganisms… I just hope that it’s not my Creator’s intention to force us to repeat this experience over and over again.

What’s the Afterlife Like?

“If you would like to contact me for any reason... including obtaining your own complimentary copy of my entire musical catalogue on a flash drive that I could send you or discussing teaming up to perform some humanitarian work... among other things... it would be easiest to do so by e-mail at... jackiecantsaveme@gmail.com... or by phone at 647-643-0110... however if you don’t get a response... I may be at Bikini Bottom”